From Minimizing to Validating – Day 4

Psalm 139:1, 15

O Lord, you have searched me and you know me…. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.

1. How have others minimized your loss? How does that make you feel? Why do you feel others responded that way?

By expecting me to move on and by not seeing Hannah has a true loss because she never took a breath. It hurts, it makes me angry, and I don’t know why they can’t at least be sensitive. I think they respond in these ways because they haven’t been through the loss of a baby and my journey leading up to it.

2. Read Psalm 139 aloud. What verses validate your child’s worth?

Psalm 139:13-16 have validated my baby’s life from the moment I found out I was pregnant. We used part of it in our announcements, had 13-16 read at Hannah’s funeral, and used 13-16 on Hannah’s prayer cards.

Psalm 139:13-16

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

3. Often people make hurtful comments because they are uniformed. They may not fully understand that loss is loss and you cannot compare how long you were pregnant or had a child to the grief you may feel. What could others say that would validate your loss.

If they don’t understand, and most won’t, simply ask questions, research stillbirth, use Hannah’s name, and be sensitive in what you choose to say and do. I love talking about Hannah and would love to help others understand. If I cry when they ask me or bring her up that is OKAY!

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