Husbands and Wives Grieve Differently – Day 10

Matthew 5:4

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.


1. God created you and your spouse different and unique. How does each of you express grief differently?

I read a lot about baby loss online or in books. I joined several private online baby loss support groups. I listen to songs that remind me of Hannah every single day. I want to talk about Hannah and most of the aspects surrounding her a lot.

Jason reads a little bit about baby loss online. Jason will talk about Hannah and most of the aspects surrounding her. Jason internalizes more. He can only take in so much before he is “full” and needs a timeout.

We both cry over Hannah. We both are sad over Hannah. We both love when people acknowledge Hannah. We both connected with Hannah. We both love and miss Hannah so much.

2. How has your loss created distance between you and your spouse? Drawn you closer?

Right after Hannah’s death we just had to recognize that we were grieving differently and that was ok. There really wasn’t any distance at all created between us. We have drawn closer together since we were given the fatal diagnosis and since Hannah died. We both lost our little girl. We both love her so much. Times that I am weak, Jason is strong. Times that Jason is weak, I am strong. We have kept God at the center.

3. Complete the following sentence: “I feel loved and encouraged when …” Write down all the ways you feel loved and encouraged and ask your spouse to do the same. Now exchange lists and encourage one another during the next week.

Heather:
you hold me tight and just let me cry.
you let me listen to the same songs over and over.
you listen when I talk about Hannah.
you bring Hannah up to me.
you take my hand and tell me it’s ok.

Jason:
you are close to me and nothing needs to be said.
you hug me and hold my hand.

4. Grief over the loss of your child will affect your relationship. Some marriages may become weakened from the stress, while others are strengthened by pulling together through adversity. Guard your marriage and seek help from your pastor, another couple who has survived the loss of a child, or a grief counselor.

We talk to a Christian counselor once a week. We have talked to our prayer pastor multiple times. We also talked to a pastor whose baby was also given a fatal diagnosis (She is 2 years old now! Thank you God!). We are so grateful to have the support, help, and guidance from these individuals. They have truly helped Jason and I stick together as a married couple during this devastating journey. They don’t rush our grief at all.

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