Why Am I So Angry? – Day 12

Ephesians 4:31

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger.

1. How have you recently expressed healthy, righteous anger over your loss? Unhealthy anger?

About a month ago my husband and I were both angry over our loss. We got into and argument about something else and it got very emotional. We gave each other space. We each separately just cried out to God, screamed, and just broke down. Our anger didn’t have to do with that argument, but it had everything to do with the loss of Hannah.

I hate the feeling of being angry so I try to just push it to the side. I’m not sure where is goes, but I know I can’t keep it there and let it build up. The anger will come out eventually there’s no question about that. I can’t allow it build up and get worse and worse.

2. What do you feel is behind your anger? Disappointment? Envy? Expectations? Guilt? Physical exhaustion? Fear? Rejection?

All of the above. Just at different times since Hannah was given and fatal diagnosis.

3. Tell God how you feel. Write a letter to Him and share your heart.

Dear God,

I’m not angry directly at you, but I am angry this had to happen. I’m angry my little girl died. I’m angry she wasn’t healed. I’m angry that she was stillborn. I’m angry that since she never took a breath the federal government doesn’t recognize her.

I am also thankful for your love and guidance. I’m thankful you allowed Hannah’s life to touch so many people. I’m thankful that she will receive a birth certificate and be recognized by the state. I’m thankful for the connections and new friends I have made through the loss of Hannah. I am thankful that I can share my story and be a voice for those who cannot speak yet. I’m thankful that Hannah’s life with help countless people through this blog/website and nonprofit.

I know you will not let Hannah be forgotten. I know that you are showing her a love greater than I can even imagine on this earth. I know she is safe in your arms. I know you will use her death to touch and help others who are on this journey of loss or who will be on it in the future.

We want You to be glorified through our personal journey of loss. We want people to know that You didn’t cause their baby to pass away, that there is just sin and evil in this world. We want people to know the love You have for them.

Thank You for always being there and accepting me even at my darkest times. I love You God.

Love Always,
Heather

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