Friendship – Victoria’s Story

Friendship – Victoria’s Story

by Victoria Salerno

82e5d-10176256_10202763849249612_317957962_nI have mentioned before, and it comes as no surprise, everyone grieves differently. In the end, however, we all need someone to lean on, to help us get through our darkest days. I always have my husband, but since he grieves differently (which I discussed here), sometimes it is better for both of us if I have someone else to talk to.

I moved to this area a little over 6 years ago. Since then, every job I have had has been in an older-male dominated industry or I was in a position of authority and couldn’t befriend those I worked with. Needless to say, I was not able to make many friends. I have the most amazing childhood friends, but the three of them live at least 4 hours away, which means we have little time together. One is trying to conceive, one wants a child more than anything in the world, and the other just had her first child. While I know I can tell them anything, I feel like I shouldn’t bombard them with day-to-day emotions, breakdowns, and frustrations. 
Since my last miscarriage, I have been feeling very lost and lonely at times. It was at this time I met Heather. My husband works with her husband and they had been discussing getting us together for awhile because we have so many common interests. It took a work function to get us together, but we have pretty much been inseparable ever since.

Why I am sharing this with you? I am sharing this with you because the transformation in my emotions, my stability, and my outlook is a complete 180. Having someone who understands me on a level nobody else can, who recognizes my triggers, who I can share any emotion to without fear of judgement, and who I can share my fears and joys with has changed everything about this journey. I no longer feel alone. I still have days where I am scared, sad, or angry (or maybe all 3 at once), but I know I can turn to Heather.

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” 
― Henri J.M. Nouwen

I also believe my friendship with Heather has helped me because I also feel like I am able to give back to her. I can offer her a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen, and a judgment-free zone. Being able to offer support to someone else through their journey has helped me in so many ways, most importantly, giving my journey purpose.

I think purpose is something we all seek in our own journeys. Whether it’s being able to help someone directly, connect with a group, volunteer time, etc- we all need purpose.

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” ―  Friedrich Nietzsche

So even if you don’t feel like putting yourself out there, give it a try. Find someone you can relate to you, you can trust, and you feel comfortable sharing everything with. I promise, it will make all the difference on this journey.

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