When Your Grief is Minimized
by Heather Kimble
I don’t mean strangers or acquaintances minimizing your grief. I’m talking about those closest to you. Those who seemed to try to understand, who sympathized, who were sensitive, who gave their support, who were affected by the loss of your baby in a very personal way. Those are the people I am talking about.
Hidden Unforgiveness/Forgiving Others – Day 36 – Update #2
by Heather Kimble
I just wanted to take a moment and update all of you on my struggle to forgive. It’s not easy and I struggled. To be honest I still struggle, but I have come to the point of forgiving one of the people I was so deeply hurt by. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t disappointed. That doesn’t mean that what they did/didn’t do was right or kind. It simply means I forgive them for the pain they caused me. I release the anger I have been harboring inside towards this person. I obey God by forgiving. If God can forgive me and all of my sins who am I to never forgive someone that has hurt me? The road to forgiveness isn’t always easy. At some point the realization comes that it’s not about me and them. It’s about me and God. It’s about me releasing the anger for my own health, physically and emotionally.
As I did these two devotionals on forgiveness and unforgiveness I was sure that I had forgiven those that hurt me. I couldn’t be more wrong. The unforgiveness towards two people in my life just boiled up inside me. I was angry… no I was furious. I hate this feeling, but I couldn’t control it and it came out of nowhere. I didn’t expect it at all. I thought all my feelings on forgiveness and unforgiveness were resolved. Here I am back at the beginning.
Why should I care about this person who never called, sent a card, or even came to Hannah’s funeral?! Why should I care about the person who was selfish in our time of desperation in planning the burial of our Baby Girl?!
I’m still angry at them. I wish I could make this anger go away. I wish there was an instant fix, but there’s not. I don’t want to be around them. I don’t care if I see them. I don’t care to hear from them or hear about them.
I don’t expect an apology from them ever. They don’t think they did anything wrong. But it’s not about getting an apology from them. It’s about me forgiving them and releasing this resentment and anger. It’s between me and God. I can’t control the actions of others, but I can work on myself and control my actions with God’s help.
Underneath this anger is hurt. These people hurt me deeply. The wounds are still fresh and raw. How could they do these things? I thought they loved and cared about us?
I decided that I needed to revisit these two devotionals. I need God’s help to forgive. I needs God’s help to let go and release this anger.
Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.
Search me, O God, and know my heart: test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Write these words in red letters over your list of names. Tear up the paper and throw it away.
Forgiving; to pardon or acquit, to cease to feel resentment against
Forgiveness is the fragrance a violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.