And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
Psalm 27:4, 8
One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of he Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord…. My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, Lord, I will seek.
1. What do you most look forward to about Heaven?
I can’t wait to see Hannah, my grandfathers, and grandmothers. I can’t wait to see God. I look forward to being in paradise and always being happy.
2. What questions will you finally have answers to?
Did God tell Hannah about us? That we love her so much. That we fought so hard to keep her. That we miss her every single day.
3. How has your perspective on the loss of your child been changed by God during your journey?
Read more about heaven: Isaiah 35:10; Ezekiel 1:26-28; Luke 15:10; John 3:5-7; 1 Corinthians 15:36-38; Philippians 3:20-21; 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17; 2 Timothy 4:8; Hebrews 12:22-23; Revelation 15:2-3; 20:1-22:5.
2 Timothy 2:1-3
You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others. Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus.
1. How can someone before you in grief guide you in your journey? Do you have someone before you? Share at least one way they’ve helped you.
She lost her baby girl a few years ago. Her daughter was born still. Before Hannah passed away, she simply said how sorry she was and offered to be there for us. Instead of sharing those “miracle” stories, she just cried for us. She told me there’s no getting over it and that’s ok. That there will always be pain and that’s ok. She has encouraged me in the choices I made to mourn and remember Hannah. She understands.
2. Who are the people beside you? How do they support you?
As you all know from this blog that Victoria has lost her four babies through miscarriage (read her story here). She is always there if something triggers me. We can talk to each other about our babies. We understand each other when something upsets us. We don’t need to explain or justify ourselves to one another about the way we feel. We don’t need to walk this journey of loss alone.
3. Turn around, look back. Who has suffered loss and needs you to reach out to them? How will you help them?
I have seen many women suffer the loss of their babies after me. My heart breaks for each and every one of them. I started this blog/website so that I may help those going through this heartbreaking loss. I want them to know that they are not alone. I want to help and support them in any and every way I can. Hannah’s Heart and Love is in the process of becoming a nonprofit so that we can help and support even more on this journey of loss. Whether it’s through miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, or early infant death a baby died and a little heart stopped beating. All of our babies deserve to be recognized. We have the right to feel pain and mourn them in our own way. We will always walk around with a limp until the day we die. It’s important to know that we are not alone. I personally pray for each and every person who has lost their baby, who’s baby has been given a fatal diagnosis, and those who will lose their baby and have no idea it will happen.
Behold I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind, But be glad and rejoice forever in what I will create.
1. The gallery of your life is filled with emotional paintings. Share about your painting for each of the stages of your journey – Hiding, Suffering, Questioning, and so on.
Hiding – A black hole painted with black, grays, and charcoal colors. Subtle hints of whites throughout – God is ALWAYS there.
Suffering – The heart is broken into two pieces. It’s covered in blood. The is empty, but the emptiness represents the excruciating pain. The heart is on a white background – God is ALWAYS there.
Questioning – A black question mark surrounding by all of my unanswered questions. God is ALWAYS there.
Forgiving – The sky over the ocean. The first half is bright, colorful, and beautiful as the sun is shining and the water sparkles. The second half is dark, void of most color, but in the corner the moonlight is shining, providing light in the darkness – God is ALWAYS there.
Relating – Two people embracing with a hug. Sometimes that is all that is needed – God is ALWAYS there.
Seeking – God’s right hand reaching down from the Heavens to me; to hold my hand and guide me – God is ALWAYS there.
2. Now examine each painting. Do you see God there? Contemplate His strength in each of those areas. Praise Him for who He is. With your new eyes, perhaps a few new brush strokes are in order.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my right hand.
1. Is your past holding you captive from your future? If so, how?
I don’t think so. I am continually taking steps forward. That’s the only way to go. I struggle a lot and there are times I don’t want to take anymore steps. This isn’t easy and I refuse to leave Hannah in the past. She is apart of my past, present, and future.
2. God wants to strengthen you and help you. In what ways can you allow Him to hold your hand? In what ways can you allow others to hold your hand?
I have made the conscious decision the day Hannah was given a fatal diagnosis that I would not be angry at God. I knew I needed Him more than ever and I turned to Him. He is walking with me through this journey God understands my pain, fears, and anger.
I hate asking for help but I’m only human and I know I can’t do this on my own. I have let people in. I allow people to follow me on this journey as I walk through it. Their prayers are powerful. People are holding my hand tightly every time they say a prayer for us, think of us, ask how we are, send a message, talk about Hannah, spend time with me, and talk to me.
Seeking: to search for; request, aim, or try
Sorrow looks back,
Worry looks around,
Faith looks up.
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
Seek God in your darkness and He will be your light.
Seek God in your questions and He will be your answer.
Seek God in your anger and He will be your peace.
Seek God in your sorrow and He will be your comforter.
Seek God in your uncertainty and He will be your confidence.
Seek God in your sin and He will be your redeemer.
Seek God in your forgiveness and He will be your salvation.
Seek God in your salvation and He will be your eternity.