Hannah’s Due Date

Hannah’s Due Date – April 19th, 2014 – The Day Before Easter

by Heather Kimble

d3a7b-hannahsduedateApril has been hard and this past week has been extremely hard. Right after Hannah passed away I saw other baby loss moms post how hard it was to cope as they approached their babys due date. In the beginning I didn’t quite understand it. Would April 19th, 2014 really be that huge and painful for me?
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Sharing Your Story – Day 33

Sharing Your Story – Day 33

by Heather Kimble

e2f28-img_13461 Peter 3:15
But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.

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Helping Those Going Through Baby Loss – We Need Your Help

{Click here to donate.}

**Update! Hannah’s Heart and Love is officially a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization as of September 1st, 2014. But we are still in desperate need of donations both monetary and item donations. Any and all support is so greatly appreciated.

Losing our first and only child was one of the hardest things we have ever had to deal with as a couple.  It was full of heart ache, confusion, sadness, anger, and so many other emotions that making a list is nearly impossible.  When we first received the news that Hannah had some things that would make her chances of survival slim, we were lost.  What made this even harder is that there was really no where we could turn.  During the time from when we found out and even after she had passed away, there seemed to be a general lack of knowledge and support for us to turn towards.  Of course we had the support of our family and friends, but there were minimal resources available to help us.
Losing Hannah created a whole list of things that we now had thrown at us and didn’t know how to handle.  How do we handle such grief?  How do we explain ourselves to people?  How do we go home from the hospital with empty arms?  How do we plan a funeral and how do we pay for it?  This is just a few of the things that started going through our heads.  We had no answers, no where to look for answers and were forced to start working on these things on our own. 
Before we lost Hannah, we could never fully understand what it is like to lose a child.  We didn’t realize how real and painful this is.  There is a general lack of education and conversation about this topic.  People do not have a true understanding of everything that this tragic situation brings with it.  Many people, it seems just assume it all just goes away.  They think that people just move on and that it’s like nothing ever happened.     It is not just a minor thing that passes or fades.  I know this and feel this every time I see a baby or see an outfit or a photo frame or hear about people expecting because I know that at the end of the day, we had to go home without our baby.  The pain that we feel every day is absolutely real.  Our daughter is absolutely real. 
It is because of all of these reasons that we decided that we wanted to start Hannah’s Heart and Love.  The idea is to create a non-profit whose goal is to help families through the tragedy of baby loss.  With Hannah’s Heart and Love, we want to be able to provide aids and resources for the families who have lost.  We also want to provide “recovery boxes” to help the new mommy who is on the mend.  Finally it is also our goal to raise awareness and to educate people that baby loss is real and that it is not just something that will go away with time. 

In order for us to be able to help others, we need your help.  We are currently in the process of getting this non-profit off the ground.  The money that we are hoping to raise will be to help us pay for all of the fees and costs associated with starting such a venture, as well as used to help create packages and print materials to be used to help spread the word, educate people, and get our resource into the hands of those in need.  We have gone through this tragedy, but we don’t want our loss to just be the end of things.  We want to be able to take this bad experience and use it to help others.  Please help us to bring support, healing, and education to the people who need it.  We thank you in advance for your support. 

Losing our first and only child was one of the hardest things we have ever had to deal with as a couple.  It was full of heart ache, confusion, sadness, anger, and so many other emotions that making a list is nearly impossible.  When we first received the news that Hannah had some things that would make her chances of survival slim, we were lost.  What made this even harder is that there was really no where we could turn.  During the time from when we found out and even after she had passed away, there seemed to be a general lack of knowledge and support for us to turn towards.  Of course we had the support of our family and friends, but there were minimal resources available to help us.

Losing Hannah created a whole list of things that we now had thrown at us and didn’t know how to handle.  How do we handle such grief?  How do we explain ourselves to people?  How do we go home from the hospital with empty arms?  How do we plan a funeral and how do we pay for it?  This is just a few of the things that started going through our heads.  We had no answers, no where to look for answers and were forced to start working on these things on our own. 

Before we lost Hannah, we could never fully understand what it is like to lose a child.  We didn’t realize how real and painful this is.  There is a general lack of education and conversation about this topic.  People do not have a true understanding of everything that this tragic situation brings with it.  Many people, it seems just assume it all just goes away.  They think that people just move on and that it’s like nothing ever happened.     It is not just a minor thing that passes or fades.  I know this and feel this every time I see a baby or see an outfit or a photo frame or hear about people expecting because I know that at the end of the day, we had to go home without our baby.  The pain that we feel every day is absolutely real.  Our daughter is absolutely real. 
It is because of all of these reasons that we decided that we wanted to start Hannah’s Heart and Love.  The idea is to create a non-profit whose goal is to help families through the tragedy of baby loss.  With Hannah’s Heart and Love, we want to be able to provide aids and resources for the families who have lost.  We also want to provide “recovery boxes” to help the new mommy who is on the mend.  Finally it is also our goal to raise awareness and to educate people that baby loss is real and that it is not just something that will go away with time. 
In order for us to be able to help others, we need your help.  We are currently in the process of getting this non-profit off the ground.  The money that we are hoping to raise will be to help us pay for all of the fees and costs associated with starting such a venture, as well as used to help create packages and print materials to be used to help spread the word, educate people, and get our resource into the hands of those in need.  We have gone through this tragedy, but we don’t want our loss to just be the end of things.  We want to be able to take this bad experience and use it to help others.  Please help us to bring support, healing, and education to the people who need it.  We thank you in advance for your support. 
 
 

Medication – Am I Crazy?

**Always consult your Doctor about taking medication or about stopping the medication. This post is my own experience and for informational purposes only and not to replace the advice and direction of your Doctor.

The day after I gave birth to Hannah (on Christmas Eve) via emergency c-section my Doctor came to check on me and give me the basic rules of recovery. She wrote out multiple prescriptions (and actually dropped them off for us at the Pharmacy) including pain medicine, prenatal vitamins, iron, colace, Zoloft, and Ativan. Wait… Zoloft and Ativan?! By the expression on my face she knew I didn’t want to take those. However, I have an anxiety disorder. I haven’t taken anxiety medicine for years. I don’t like to. I have learned various technics to help control it. I rarely had panic attacks. So why did I need these two medications? I can control this! My Doctor told me that I don’t have to take them but she highly recommended it because of the situation and my anxiety disorder. She explained that I could just take an Ativan as needed (up to three times a day) and it will work right away. She then explained that Zoloft should be taken once a day but will take two weeks to get into my system.

I was initially against taking medication. I can grieve like a “normal” person. I’m not crazy. I can still control it. But I couldn’t control it and I couldn’t grieve like a “normal” person. My emotions were escalated. Nights were extremely hard. I was left alone with my thoughts and there were so many running through my mind all at once. I was exhausted physically and emotionally. It wasn’t until the day after Christmas that I decided to start Zoloft and take Ativan during extreme times of an anxiety attack. Zoloft didn’t take effect until the day of Hannah’s funeral. I felt like I was finally starting to grieve “normally.”

I can barely imagine how I would be without Zoloft and Ativan. It definitely does no come close to making me numb towards my feelings. They just allow me to grieve in a healthy way. I’m not crazy for taking either medication and neither are you. It’s ok. Do not be ashamed of taking any type if medication after the loss of your baby. I’m not longer ashamed. There are many things in life we can’t control and some of us need a little help to grieve “normally.” There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t make us failures. It does define us. We need to grieve. We need to take our time and not rush our grief. If you need medication just every so often, every single day, weeks, months, years, or the rest of your life, it’s ok.

 
Don’t be afraid to talk to your Doctor. Also, don’t be afraid to talk to your pastor, counselor, spiritual leader, etc. about taking medication. Sometimes we need a little extra support from others and to acknowledge that it’s ok.

 

 
 

Three Months Old Today

Today our sweet Hannah would have been three months old. There’s not a day that goes by that we don’t think of her. Spring is very bittersweet and so is visiting her grave.

She should be here to enjoy the colors of Spring. And her due date is approaching in April
~ Our Christmas and Spring Baby Always ~

Mommy and Daddy love you so much Hannah.