Hannah’s Due Date

Hannah’s Due Date – April 19th, 2014 – The Day Before Easter

by Heather Kimble

d3a7b-hannahsduedateApril has been hard and this past week has been extremely hard. Right after Hannah passed away I saw other baby loss moms post how hard it was to cope as they approached their babys due date. In the beginning I didn’t quite understand it. Would April 19th, 2014 really be that huge and painful for me?
Continue reading

Sharing Your Story – Day 33

Sharing Your Story – Day 33

by Heather Kimble

e2f28-img_13461 Peter 3:15
But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.

Continue reading

Medication – Am I Crazy?

**Always consult your Doctor about taking medication or about stopping the medication. This post is my own experience and for informational purposes only and not to replace the advice and direction of your Doctor.

The day after I gave birth to Hannah (on Christmas Eve) via emergency c-section my Doctor came to check on me and give me the basic rules of recovery. She wrote out multiple prescriptions (and actually dropped them off for us at the Pharmacy) including pain medicine, prenatal vitamins, iron, colace, Zoloft, and Ativan. Wait… Zoloft and Ativan?! By the expression on my face she knew I didn’t want to take those. However, I have an anxiety disorder. I haven’t taken anxiety medicine for years. I don’t like to. I have learned various technics to help control it. I rarely had panic attacks. So why did I need these two medications? I can control this! My Doctor told me that I don’t have to take them but she highly recommended it because of the situation and my anxiety disorder. She explained that I could just take an Ativan as needed (up to three times a day) and it will work right away. She then explained that Zoloft should be taken once a day but will take two weeks to get into my system.

I was initially against taking medication. I can grieve like a “normal” person. I’m not crazy. I can still control it. But I couldn’t control it and I couldn’t grieve like a “normal” person. My emotions were escalated. Nights were extremely hard. I was left alone with my thoughts and there were so many running through my mind all at once. I was exhausted physically and emotionally. It wasn’t until the day after Christmas that I decided to start Zoloft and take Ativan during extreme times of an anxiety attack. Zoloft didn’t take effect until the day of Hannah’s funeral. I felt like I was finally starting to grieve “normally.”

I can barely imagine how I would be without Zoloft and Ativan. It definitely does no come close to making me numb towards my feelings. They just allow me to grieve in a healthy way. I’m not crazy for taking either medication and neither are you. It’s ok. Do not be ashamed of taking any type if medication after the loss of your baby. I’m not longer ashamed. There are many things in life we can’t control and some of us need a little help to grieve “normally.” There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t make us failures. It does define us. We need to grieve. We need to take our time and not rush our grief. If you need medication just every so often, every single day, weeks, months, years, or the rest of your life, it’s ok.

 
Don’t be afraid to talk to your Doctor. Also, don’t be afraid to talk to your pastor, counselor, spiritual leader, etc. about taking medication. Sometimes we need a little extra support from others and to acknowledge that it’s ok.

 

 
 

Three Months Old Today

Today our sweet Hannah would have been three months old. There’s not a day that goes by that we don’t think of her. Spring is very bittersweet and so is visiting her grave.

She should be here to enjoy the colors of Spring. And her due date is approaching in April
~ Our Christmas and Spring Baby Always ~

Mommy and Daddy love you so much Hannah.

CHOP – Autopsy Results

Last Thursday my husband and I met with my high risk CHOP doctor to go over Hannah’s autopsy results. We had already been given a copy, but we aren’t doctors and needed to hear everything from the doctor.

We weren’t there long. The doctor took us back right away to her office and confirmed what we all expected, Hannah had Turner Syndrome. Her 45, X chromosome was completely deleted. All of her conditions/medical issues all were caused by Turner Syndrome. The severity of Hannah’s Turner Syndrome was extremely rare. My doctors actually told us that most other fatal diagnosis’ couldn’t even compare to Hannah’s fatal diagnosis. So, that fact that she only had Turner Syndrome and nothing else was a little surprising to us and the doctors.

Hannah was and still is our miracle. That fact that she lived into her 24th week is a miracle. I’m so proud to be her mommy and call her my daughter.

p.s.
A fatal diagnosis is devastating for any parent. In the end when our baby dies it doesn’t matter the severity of the fatal diagnosis, if it was expected, if it was a shock, due to a fatal diagnosis, or no explanation at all. There is still a precious and innocent life that is lost. This is just my story and my journey.